T e a r s
Thursday, June 30, 2005
-9:17 PM
haiz nothing much today lah....
haha sameul was in my group today ... at first tot that he have a stuck up face but than after working wif him hey he is alright mah... haha dun expect a ah beng to be so nice :X ok well i alittle faceist,new word i came up wif haha dun like ppl face lol
so crazy juz now lor i was playin my songs in my room for 1 hr than my father never say anything ....... than my father play wei qi wif me bro than say i on the music too loud than scold me....Zzz stupid lor it is like he lost he scold me wad he think i am!! crap lor.....
haiz was chating wif lei juz now tok tok tok haha coz i wa waiting for mao jie come online dunno y today mao jie never come online haha miss her mah :X haiz dunno y i feel tt lei was like some big bro to me lol maybe is he older than me tt y lah haha the same feeling i have when i tok to mao jie lor this feeling of them being older than me ok lah they are older lah haha but in the sense that they are some bro or sis to me haha funny feeling tt is hard to explain oh well the most ask them be my godsis/godbro only haha
today comfirm liao ah fat jr going to be sold to ppl haha feel so sad coz they so cute than see to ppl T.T haha but than i really hope that their new owner can take care of them well!! haiz 9.30 liao i wanna sleep liao tml i wan go see judo competion lol going pon scool i think..... oh well haha
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
-10:14 AM
haiz today so sain everyone doing their own things than i dunno wad to do..... ask my group wad to do they juz tell me find something to do..... really feel so left out today....
oh well tok about wad happen yesterday lor.....
yesterday class very few ppl turn up, i dunno y our class feel so turn down by the idea of attending enterprise leasson. i really feel sry for the teacher although she tried so hard to teach us but we were all not paying attention haiz.... than we had debate which really suck haha i tot i could have done better in it... what ever lah hor..... well went judo at nite go there doing wad i do best SLACKING haha i should have got my brown belt but than never go grading.... haiz nvm lah hor i still the highest in the club haha
ah fat now so cute she gain more weight liao fat rounder liao her babies also so cute!!!! need think of name for if haha cpf always tell me that i name my hamster ah fat so this time wan call them different names haha i still thinking of the name.... got 3 of them dunno wad to name them....mao jie want one of the hamster haha dunno wan give her or not.... coz mao eat hamster mah hahah give her later she boil my hamster and eat it :X haha
haiz later thanupdate my blog lah.... really need something to do now..... haha
Monday, June 27, 2005
-6:37 PM
wah today so happy go back scool so happy got things to do lol
so funny today kai lin yesterday tell me that today communication mah than she chicken pox so see cannot come than i tell her that she not in scool i cannot slack liao but than got the communication pro terance lor so i can still sit back and shake leg lol but than when justyn came and and change our group omg than kai lin also in my group wifout ter wtf y she not here today Zzz
went to sghamster forum todayn it was so lame lor there got someone say y hamster cannot eat pork than pt go reply "maybe only refer to malay hammie or could be the writer of that news is a malay" super lame hahaha
anyway today had lot of fun doing the problem coz justyn say cannot e-mail(spam) so in im ppl lor not the same rite lol than i also post in forum haha the ppl there give funny reply lol. mao jie also very the funny ask her wad is her ideal price of a 3g phone she tell me $100 than i was telling her tt cannot be $100 lor so she tell me $101 swt mao jie really lame nvm haha.
presentation was super sucky today haiz i dunno y lor every one was like stoneing down there lor haiz i dunno wad to say also but than have to thx terance everything also agree haha lucky no auther and kirin :X
haiz i go eat liao lah haha tml than blog
Sunday, June 26, 2005
-5:25 PM
so long never blog liao haha i find life geting more and more boring..... i dunno wad to do this few days time pass so slowly..... so i have become more and more lazy
meet her yesterday wif her ex haha or should i say that her ex meet her and her new bf yesterady.... i dunno wad have we 2 become it is like now we dun even have a hi to say when we walk pass each other.... maybe i juz have to live if it.... ya......
i think i have no life now rotting at home lol i think i noe the reason: dun have her=dun have "her" friends=will not go out= slacking at home lol see the equation? i really hope i can pull myself up....
haiz tml starting poly again haiz..... i think at least i have soome where to spend time lah at least i have friends to tok to...... i need find a new way to slack!!!!!
Sunday, June 19, 2005
-8:30 AM
haiz this few days nothing much happen lah....
go library at home play com... i think i no life liao...
oh ya one thing i need tell.... ah fat gave birth!!!! for those who dunno who ah fat is.... it is my hamster!!!! hahaha 4 generation already!!! so happy but than only give birth to 4 .... haiz i think i put it up for adoption after the eyes open lah hor....so cute!!!anyone wan the hamster plz go
www.sghamster.com i will post under adoption there when the eyes open........
today my dancer 99 liao so happy so long than train until 99 haha sain need reborn than train again... haiz haha
Thursday, June 16, 2005
-7:42 PM
went to rawa for the past few days.... so fun!!! water so clear only thing i dun like is sit the car sit until my butt pain lol
first day there fever sain.... but than my fever luky juz one day only... next day went diving!! so nice got the reef and fishes!! haha hmm i dunno y i cannot get my tan leh... haiz not black lor....
hmm but the beach so fun play volley ball wif kenneth and his sis....his sis dam hot lor... wear bikini play volley wahaha so sexy @.@ at nite go drink wif kenneth and her haiz too bad she older than me... or i chong already.... the last day we went to look at fireflies wah really very nice leh like light bulb lor haha too bad cannot get it down on photo due to exposer.....
nothing much lately lah.... slacking at home lor... nothing much
Saturday, June 11, 2005
-10:13 AM
this few days nothing much happen lah.....juz keeping myself busy hang her call.....i think guys pls stop asking me to patch up wif her... i have made up my mind i will not return to her or let her return to me.....coz there is no trust in this relationship liao so there is no point....as wad ppl say a broken galss is never the same as a new one, there is cracks that can never be fix....i hope u all understand lah hor....
went to tl house...tt stupid chem pro always in my sec scool class compete wif me for the top chem in class.....haha yesterday he ask me help him do chem haha first time in my life he ask me leh!!!so happy it is not ask me do other subject lor but he ask me do chem !!!!1wahaha chem pro ask me help him do work wahahaha.......
haiz my ro dancer now 98 liao wanna 99!!so happy than can reborn!!! haiz....i dunno maybe this is keeping myself busy lah.... juz have to keep myself busy this few days....until i forget her i will keep myself busy....
Thursday, June 09, 2005
-7:46 PM
hmm alot of ppl have ask me did i see wrongly that day...well the answer is no...she try to lie to me tt nite when i call her which was about 11 she told me that she was wif cher which i tot tt it was impossible coz cher was beside me all the while... that was such a lie... if u have done it juz tell me dun have to lie to save ur neck.... oh well i think i noe u juz too well...i am calling it quit!!!
saw her yesterday at mac wif her "bf" again.... it was her ex bf which was wif her... oh well if she can never "forget" her ex than i will juz let them be together...oh ya back to the story so i was wif cher waiting for wj than she came wif out her ex than she started crying say how sry she was how guilty she was.... i was angry at tt time to see her and her ex together.... if it was not cher tt stop me i would have errr dunno wad i will have done but will do something nasty...oh well i juz walk off and she was left there crying....i went to the arcade first to play para than wj and cher came to join me... dance dance dance than her ex came in and wan to tok to me i was really piss lor.... so i told him i got nothing to tok to u than i contiune dancing my para..... he "wannted" to wack me bu than got wj there,wj in arcade got backing one ^^ tt y i like going to arcade wif him and cher dance in peace !!! lol so in the end he did not wack me :X
she try to call me ya but i hang up on her... if i pick up wad will she say? the same old thing lah hor i am sry blah blah blah.....tot that i will be hurt wifout her but than it turn out to be wrong.maybe i was juz too angry to feel any hurt from her.... i start thinking about her but than my anger juz suppress this feeling inside of me.... have to keep myself busy to stop myself from thinking of her ya... tt wad i gonna do....
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
-2:05 PM
hmm wad will u do if ur gf broke up than patch back but than spend time wif someone else which is not u ar??.......i am really vey puzzled.... first we had a row....than patch back but than.... mon i ask her to go out,she said she not free,but saw her wif someone else holding hands ..... i think it is really time to let go.... i am going to solve this problem my way like it or not....
Monday, June 06, 2005
-7:38 AM
meet her at about 8.00 p.m yesterday .....she came not alone but wif someone else....."was it a guy?"i ask myself....on a closer look it was only cher..... they came over...no one spoke....i look at her than stare at cher.....suddenly cher juz said "hey u two talk it out i have a meeting wif my bf also....cya!!"see gave me a wink and juz left us....
i dunno how but words juz came out of my mouth....we tok things out she and i got angry,after that i some how made her cry....i dunno wad i said but i juz made her cried.....
i dunno wad i said made cry but i was really hurt seeing her cry infront of me...to think back i ws really selfish..... than i juz hug and whisper to her "dear it hurts me to see u cry..... i juz cannot let u go..... i love u dear..." than she juz cried on my shoulder and this crying on my shoulder carried on unti dunno wad time...
i have not walk together wif her for so long....took a walk in the park.... holding hands.... send her home at about 11.45 coz she have scool tml.....she said she finish all her homework....i cannot help myself thinking of her crying and doing the homework....i was really stupid to think that she had no feelings for me....i think she was so busy wif all her work so that we can send the weekends together happily....ya i was really stupid....
went to drink some liqueur(only hooch lah nothing much) wif wj under her block after i send her home ..... after drinkning bout 2 bottle my dear came down....wj said he gtg than he juz leave wif out me ....stupid wj ......but than i was rewarded even more....she kissed me ... did not expect us to patch up so fast.....
ya i have really got to thx u all wj,cher...plan it all one rite....lol thx guys
Sunday, June 05, 2005
-1:54 PM
had a chat wif terence .... i think he was right...i made a rather wrong move ... should not have hurt her.... i still love her yet i am hurting her....i was being too selfish thinking about myself only...
juz message her ask her to meet me tonite...i dunno why but it juz occur to me that i have to talk to her tonite have to get her back,i think i still cannot let her go....after i let her go than i found myself hurt,found myself really loveing her....
she gave a reply saying that she is free tonite... maybe it was because i had already plan to go out wif her tonite before the break.....
meeting her tonite .. i dunno wad i am going to say....but one thing i am sure to say tonite is i love u dear...ya think i still cannot let her go....i think this is wad she meant by staying apart.....it was now that i really think that i cannot let her go,cannot hurt her any more.....
thx terence haha without you talking to me i think i really will not notice that i have hurt her so much and notice that i love her so much =)
Saturday, June 04, 2005
-4:50 PM
i woke up today wif the sun shining on my face... i dunno it was later than what i had plan to wake up...maybe it was juz that i cry myself to sleep last nite.... i had plan to go out wif her today.... i really dun wan to hurt any of us... i really feel that part of my body have go off wif her.... i fell the pain... i dunno until when i will have bare wif this pain ....
i really hope that yesterday it was that she have found another boy that we broke up and not time which tear us apart....
had a call from her friend ..... her friend said that she cried the whole nite... i feel so sry for her i feel so sry that i hurt her so much... i think that her pain was more than me... i was ready for the blow but she was not....her friend also said that she did not have anyone other than me... she ask me why is the main reason that we broke up... i can't answer her....
i feel so bad ...was i being too sensitive? was i being too demanding.... i ask myself... i really wanted to beat myself up.....wanted to pick up the phone to call her but... i was afraid to hurt her more....i think i have to let her go.... i think she deserve to have a better guy... a guy that is not like me ... a guy who understand her....
have a chat wif kai....learn somethings from him ....learn that jc ppl are really more busy than poly ppl... learn that there is this project thing which is very important.... i guess ber was rite guess that i should let her go....she is really to busy for me...
i dunno if i am being selfish ,but i think i have to let her go,i hope that this is not an excuse but a reason to let her go ... it will be hard,it will be pain but i have the learn ....like wad ber said i have to learn how to let her go.....
thx ber,thx kai,thx cheryl...... and thx u dear thx for eveything u gave me..... i will love u always....
-12:29 PM
She pick up the phone after the 2rd time i called .....
her:"honey what ! i now very busy have alot of pro...."
me:"project rite.....dear i juz need to tok to u..."
her:"can we tok this out tml honey....i now really very busy"
me:"dear i think i really need to tell u this...."
her:"ok wad!!"
i can sense that she is very piss....
me:" i juz wanna ask u something.... something about us...."
her"honey can u pleas...."
me"dear i can i say finish wad i wanna say first"
her"...."
me"i really wanna know is it an excuse or is it really true tt u dun have time for me...."
her"honey u dun trust me?"
me"...." i really dunno how to reply her
her"can u not be so sensitive i am really busy"
me"it is not me being sensitive it is juz....juz tt u dun pick up my call dun reply my messages...."
her"i think we need so time apart"
me"are we not apart now?i mean you du ...."
her"wad i meant was tt we keep ourself away from each other for some time cool things down than tok...."
me"dear i hope that this is a happy ending however......i think there is no point going on together if both of us is unhappy"
than she cried and put down the phone... i feel the pain.... i try to go to bed but i cannot....i try to forget her, to let her go but i cant....i dunno is she who hurt me or i a the one that hurt myself... i started crying memories of us juz came as a flash back i really hope that this was a dream.....
Friday, June 03, 2005
-6:46 PM
today woke up, not by the sound of my alarm but by the sound of my handphone... 1 message in inbox....went to check it and realise that it was from her.... this is wad was say
"hey i in scool now, yesterday u message me so many times.... i did not notice coz i was busy wif my homework and project ...."
the same thing after she went into JC..... i was piss, i did not reply... wad i really wanted was sometime to be wif her sometime to tok to her,but she was always busy...
in scool and i had a chat wif bernyce on the msn
[bEr_#03]: maybe u should talk things out with her
-ThE EnD- ll: dunno if i wan or not
-ThE EnD- ll: later she piss or something like tt....
[bEr_#03]: no lo
[bEr_#03]: for me i think that u should talk things out lo
[bEr_#03]: if not like tat drag on will only become worse nia wad
-ThE EnD- ll: dun really noe
-ThE EnD- ll: i now feel alittle distance between her and me....
[bEr_#03]: cos wad i think is that we should realli talk things out lo
[bEr_#03]: cos if nt, later she change le, u still blur blur now here, waiting
-ThE EnD- ll: haha......
-ThE EnD- ll: hope tt she will not lor
-ThE EnD- ll: i call her to nite lah
-ThE EnD- ll: she sure tell me the same thing one lor
-ThE EnD- ll: busy now
-ThE EnD- ll: tml got projec too much homework....
-ThE EnD- ll: wad ever lah
-ThE EnD- ll: to nite i juz tell her straight to her face
[bEr_#03]: yes u shuld
[bEr_#03]: sort things out
[bEr_#03]: if she dun wan the relationship anymore den no use holding on wad
-ThE EnD- ll: i really dun wan to let go lor
-ThE EnD- ll: dunno to nite who will cry
[bEr_#03]: haiz-ThE EnD- ll: really lor....
[bEr_#03]: if the time is for u to let go then the u should let go le lor
[bEr_#03]: no use holding on to a relaitonship that has alr ended wad
-ThE EnD- ll: i tok to her tonite than i see...
i think bernyce have a point there if it is time to let go let go.....
i will tok to her tonite... not sure what she will tell me, but i hope i will not need to let go of her... think i will update my blog tml i think tonite will be a sad nite for both of us....
-1:39 PM
First time writeing dun really noe wad to write.... think i juz write a short intro about myself lor.
i am juz one sad person confine only to my own world and own thinking.i fail everything that i do not only in judo but also in my 'o' lvls i dun really think i can go on.people who noe me always feel that i am a happy cheerful person, a person who spread laughter however behind my happy mask is a face too sad to be shown..... i really dun wan people to noe the real me that is behind the mask... at the end of the day i really feel that i am a clown...
than one day i came across this comic i started to read, the char reflected me, i noe that i am not alone,i noe that there is other people that is like me...even a char is enough,so wad if this is a comic char as long as i noe there will be a happy ending as long as i noe that this char will walk out of darkness into the light i think it is enough for me...
i now know that there is really something more to life that
